Osa and Asa’s Advice Talk Battle

Haruno: OSA!

Sena: Ampersand, ASA’s!

Haruno: Advice!

Sena: Talk Battle!

Both: Yay! Zucchaka, zucchaka, zuccha (laugh).

Sena: Well then, I’ll read the first problem right away. Nyaako-san of Kawanishi City. "Because of my job, it seems like this spring I’m suddenly going to be living alone. All of my close friends are living with their parents, and my problem is that I have no idea what kinds of things you need or what kinds of things you have to be careful of when living alone. In your experience, please tell me if there’s anything that’s really convenient to have, or anything you have to be careful of."

Haruno: Living alone, huh... hmm... ok, first off, what do you think it’s convenient to have?

Sena: Disposable chopsticks!

Haruno: Disposable chopsticks?! (laughs). Why?

Sena: Because you don’t have to wash them (laughs). I love disposable chopsticks.

Haruno: (laughs). You can’t stop loving them?

Sena: I can’t stop loving them (laughs).

Haruno: I see (laughs). So whenever you eat you use a new pair of disposable chopsticks and throw them away?

Sena: Yeah.

Haruno: Is that so. So do you use paper plates and things too?

Sena: No (laughs), I-I don’t do that. That would be a waste (laughs). But disposable chopsticks are convenient when you’re short on time.

Haruno: Huh, really?

Sena: You don’t believe me, do you. You’re probably thinking, "Are they really that convenient?"

Haruno: Yeah... (laughs).
Sena: You’re you, and I’m me (laughs).

Haruno: I guess so (laughs). As for me, I need my... clothes dryer!

Sena: That’s a good thing to have! Your t-shirts get a little worn out though (laughs).

Haruno: Nyaako-san, you’re working too, right? It’s pretty hard to work and do all the housework too.

Sena: Yeah. I know because you made me do it (laughs).

Haruno: What? (laughs).

Sena: When I went to hang out at Masa-chan’s (Haruno) house . . ..

Haruno: The ironing, right? (laughs).

Sena: (replays the scene) "Asako (Sena), is there an iron over there?" "Yeah." "Iron that" (laughs).

Haruno: (bursts out laughing).

Sena: "Uh-uh-ok." I thought, ‘Why did I come to Haruno-san’s house to hang out and wind up doing the ironing?’ (laughs). Well, I don’t mind (laughs).

Haruno: But you willingly agreed to it, didn’t you (laughs).

Sena: That’s the double-sided type AB personality.*

Haruno: (laughs).

Sena: I’m kidding, I’m kidding (laughs). It was fun.

Haruno: Thank you (laughs). I bought a dryer recently, but . . ..

Both: Celebratory dryer! (laugh)

Haruno: It was a pain to dry things before, so it’s really convenient. And if Asako comes and does the ironing for me, it’s even more convenient (laughs).

Sena:... odd-job man?

Haruno: Odd-job man Asa-chan (laughs).

Sena: So I’m an odd-job man (laughs). OK, so what are you careful of, living alone?

Haruno: Leaving on the electric carpet or the air conditioning, or . . ..

Both: The ventilation fan! (burst out laughing).

Sena: Masa-chan left it on and went to the Tokyo run. Her mother came all the way to Takarazuka (to turn it off).

Haruno: No, no (laughs). I left the cooler on and went to the Tokyo run.

Sena: Oh, that’s right (laughs). Then your mother came all the way to Takarazuka to turn it off, but then she left the ventilation fan on when she went home.

Haruno: Like mother like daughter (laughs).

Sena: Like mother like daughter (laughs).

Haruno: How about you?

Sena: Me? I left the stew I made and went to the Tokyo run . . ..

Haruno: Oh no (laughs).

Sena: When I got back and opened the lid it had become "cotton" (laughs).

Haruno: (bursts out laughing). But I think that’s pretty common for you (laughs).

Sena: No it’s not (laughs). But the thing you have to watch out for the most is pigeons settling on your veranda.

Haruno: Really?

Sena: Yeah. That’s why I have a net strung across my veranda.

Haruno: You put up the net as a preventive measure?

Sena: It’s unsightly if you put up a net (laughs) so that’s a last resort. Supposedly you can hang up CD’s you don’t need anymore to keep them away.

Haruno: Is that so.

Sena: That was my grandmother’s wisdom.

Haruno: (laughs). Ok, next person.

Sena: Kurose-san of Tachikawa City. "Hello Osa-san, Asako-san! I always enjoy flower troupe’s performances. In particular, your two smiles are the best!"
Haruno: Yaay! (laughs).

Sena: (laughs). "I feel happy when I see you. That’s why I want to ask you... is it OK to ask about child-rearing?"

Haruno: Go right ahead.

Sena: "I’m the mother of a seventh-grade boy and a third-grade girl. I want to be a nice, easygoing mom, but then I find myself nagging my kids. If it goes on like this I’m afraid they’ll turn out bad. What can I do to raise them to be cheerful, easygoing and energetic like the two of you? If there’s anything your mothers did in raising you that you think was particularly good, please tell me!" Masa-chan, what was your mom like?

Haruno: My mom was really laissez-faire. I was never once told "do this" or "do that." I was free to do whatever I wanted. But maybe it’s because I was never told what to do that I thought about what I ought to do on my own.

Sena: My mom was like that too. Of course, if I did something bad I got yelled at.

Haruno: Right. Even if I was free to do what I wanted, if I did something wrong I would get yelled at. But I was never made to do anything. Even I think I had a lot of freedom.

Sena: I was also raised with a lot of freedom. And when I saw my mom dedicate herself to jazz dance and things she liked, I admired how alive she was. But she also did the housework properly and every morning and night saw off and picked up my dad at the station. It was probably tough for her but she didn’t show it and I admire her for that. Anyway, to raise cheerful, energetic, and easygoing kids, it might be good to give them their freedom.

Haruno: Right, right. And it’s true that kids follow their parents’ example.

Sena: That’s what I think. Kurose-san, set a good example! Well then, next problem. "Hello Osa-san, Asako-san. It’s already been X years since I fell victim to Takarazuka. There’s something that’s been bothering me ever since I started watching it. In everyone’s stage makeup, in the middle of where their forehead and hair meet they draw a "whoosh!" (Some people don’t though). I think maybe it’s a fuji-bitai** or something, but please tell me what it really is so I can stop thinking about it" (laughs). It’s from "Little Red Riding Hood" of Shizuoka City.

Haruno: (laughs). Oh, it’s that thing Nettan (Yumeki) always draws on.

Sena: Nettan draws it over her whole forehead (laughs). I think that’s different from what Little Red Riding Hood was talking about.

Haruno: I don’t draw it.

Sena: I do (laughs).

Haruno: You do, don’t you (laughs). A little diagonal one (laughs).

Sena: Yeah (laughs).

Haruno: What do you call that "whoosh!"?

Sena: Who knows. Why don’t we just call it a "whoosh!"? (laughs).

Haruno: (laughs). Why do you draw it?

Sena:... I don’t really know, but I draw it anyway (laughs).

Haruno: Everyone was doing it, so you wanted to try it too?

Sena: To be honest, yes (laughs).

Haruno: In your case, aren’t you drawing it to hide the fact that the veins on your forehead stick out?

Sena: That might be part of it. But I want to know the real reason too. Even though I draw it myself, I wonder why (laughs).

Haruno: (bursts out laughing). The ones by your ears are sideburns, right?

Sena: Yeah. And the ones going from the side of the forehead to the temples are supposed to accentuate the outline of the face, I think.

Haruno: Yeah. So what’s the "whoosh!"?

Sena: Well, for me, my forehead sticks out a little, so it just seems like drawing in a "whoosh!" is . . ..

Haruno: It feels more clean-cut.

Sena: Yeah.

Haruno: In my case, my forehead is narrow and flat, so it seems better not to draw it.

Sena: Yeah. I started drawing it after looking at Miyu-san’s (Kaikyou Hiroki) makeup and thinking it looked nice. Then, if you look at the people who draw it, they have wide foreheads or foreheads that stick out. So I thought that might be the reason, but I actually don’t know. Sorry, I’ll try asking someone next time.

Haruno: OK (laughs). Should I try drawing it next time too? But I’ve never done it before, so I don’t know how.

Sena: You just go whoosh.

Haruno: Is that a whoosh from bottom to top? Top to bottom?

Sena: It probably depends on the person.

Haruno: Huh. OK, do mine next time.

Sena: OK, sure! (laughs).

Haruno: Oh man, I get the feeling you’re going to do something weird (laughs). Well then, lastly we have Snow Troupe top star Todoroki Yuu-san’s problem. "I’m afraid of heights. Do you know of a way to get over that?"

Sena: I’m afraid of heights too.

Haruno: Really?

Sena: Yeah. That’s why recently I finally learned how to go down the stairs without looking.

Haruno: Wow. I wonder if Todoroki-san is scared of going down the stairs and stuff too.

Sena: She doesn’t look like that at all when she goes down the grand staircase.

Haruno: She’s so stately and everything. I’m completely fine with high places.

Sena: Really? For me, even if I’m inside a building and know it’s impossible to fall, just getting close to the window scares me.

Haruno: Wow. Is it because it looks like you could fall? Your heart gets faint?

Sena: It’s not so much that my heart gets faint as that my butt tightens up. I get like, "no no no."

Haruno: Wow.

Sena: But there are people who just flatten themselves against the window and stare out of it.

Haruno: Like me!

Sena: I can’t believe that.

Haruno: (laughs). So how did you get over it?

Sena: I think for the stairs it just takes practice. But for tall buildings I don’t think that would help. What do you think would help?

Haruno: Hmm, I wonder.

Sena: It’s fine if I look at a spot far away. But I can’t look down at my feet. I get too nervous.

Haruno: I wonder if I’m just dense (laughs). But what could you do . . ..

Sena: Maybe it would be best to try sky diving or something.

Haruno: Force yourself to get over it? (laughs).

Sena: It’s so high that you don’t even have to think about what’s below, so maybe you could just do it without thinking too hard.

Haruno: That’s a good idea!

Sena: Todoroki-san, why don’t the three of us . . .

Both: Go skydiving together sometime? (laugh).




Translator’s notes:

• Sena: That’s the double-sided type AB personality.

* In Japan, people with type AB blood are thought to have something of a split personality, since they have the characteristics of both A-type and B-type.

• I think maybe it’s a fuji-bitai or something

** Fuji-bitai literally means "Mt. Fuji forehead," comparing the symmetrical volcanic cone of Mt. Fuji to the shape of a person’s hairline. It was traditionally considered to be beautiful.