Haruno:  OSA! 
 
Sena:  And ASA's! 
 
Haruno:  Advice . . . 
 
Both:  Talk Battle!  Zucchaka, zucchaka (laugh). 
 
Sena:  We really want to do it on the radio or something, right? 
 
Haruno:  Yeah.  Aren't we DJ material? 
 
Sena:  Yeah, we are (laughs).  After all, we've been practicing ever since we were underclassmen. 
 
Haruno:  Right, right (laughs).  We were just doing it for fun. 
 
Sena:  Nobody was listening though (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  But if no one is watching there's no motivation, right? (laughs).  Well then, as usual, today we've chosen three lucky people.  First is Mizusugi Hitomi from Kakogawa City.  "Hello Osa-san (Haruno), Asako-san (Sena).  I'm a 16-year-old student at an all-girls high school.  My problem is that I can't match people's names with their faces.  I often call my friends by the wrong name, and even in the last semester of the year there are some classmates' names I don't know, and people get mad at me a lot.  But I just can't remember people's names.  Since the two of you remember all the siennes' names . . ."  Do you know them? 
 
Sena:  No . . . (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  (laughs). "I thought you might know a good method so I sent this postcard.  Please tell me your method!"  Is what it says, but we don't know all the siennes' names either, do we.  Even if we do know them, we mess up sometimes, right?  
 
Sena:  Yeah, we mess up a lot. 
 
Haruno:  Right.  People mess up our names too, and there are people who will look at me and say, "Asako!" 
 
Sena:  (laughs).  There are people who look at me and say, "Osa!" too.  Hoshihara-san called us "Asa and Osako," didn't she. 
 
Haruno:  (bursts out laughing). 
 
Sena:  She said, "Wait, wait, Asa and Osako" (laughs).  Wrong, wrong. 
 
Haruno:  It's the other way around, sempai! 

Sena:  It's like, the reverse (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  The reverse! (laughs). 
 
Sena:  It's been a while since we used that word (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  (laughs).  When you can't remember someone's name, if you associate it with one of their characteristics, it's easier to remember. 
 
Sena:  Right, a characteristic.  Concentration is also important.  If you show interest in that person and get so that you want to remember their name, you can, for sure. 
 
Haruno:  That's right (laughs).  I know the names of the members of Flower Troupe, but I can't match names to faces for members of other troupes that I don't have any contact with. 
 
Sena:  Me too. 
 
Haruno:  But you'll manage somehow, so . . . Hitomi! 
 
Sena:  Don't give up, Hitomi! (laughs) 
 
Haruno:  Well then, on to the next problem. "Haruno-san, Sena-san, nice to meet you.  My problem is that I'm bad with machines.  When I think I've set the timer on the rice cooker, the rice isn't cooked at all; when I think I've recorded something on a video, it hasn't actually recorded . . ..  Because of this, there's no way I can use a cell phone, and even though these days, even housewives enjoy sending text messages and using the internet, for me, that would be dreaming . . ..  Will the two of you please give your advice to this hopeless machine-user?" It's from C.K.-san of Yao City.  Calvin Klein?! 
 
Sena:  It's Calvin Klein (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  Asako, back in Music School you were in charge of cleaning the machines, weren't you.  
 
Sena:  Well, I was supposed to (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  How was it? 
 
Sena:  (wry smile). Why do you mention it? 
 
Haruno:  No (laughs), since you were in charge of cleaning the machines, I thought I could leave this problem to you.  I'm the one who chose this postcard (laughs). 
 
Sena:  Hey now (laughs), I didn't choose that cleaning assignment myself.  My VCR has "Play," "Rewind," "Fast Forward," "Record," and so forth written on it . . . but I can't record anything. 
 
Haruno:  (bursts out laughing). 

Sena:  The truth is I'm horrible with machines too. I've never managed to record anything . . . no, I don't even try.  I still don't even know how to use a cell phone. 
 
Haruno:  (laughs). 
 
Sena:  But I changed models again anyway. 
 
Haruno:  What--(laughs).  Didn't you have a really good one before?  
 
Sena: Yeah. 
 
Haruno:  What happened to it? 
 
Sena:  I gave it away.  
 
Haruno:  (laughs). 
 
Sena:  I wasn't really using it when I gave it away (laughs).  I bought it because I like things that are new (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  I bought one with internet, but I don't use it at all.  But I haven't cancelled it. 
 
Sena:  You're just paying for it? 
 
Haruno:  Yeah. 
 
Sena:  What a waste!  You have to cancel it. 
 
Haruno:  But I don't know how (laughs). 
 
Sena:  I understand (laughs).  I signed up for Sky Perfect TV, but I didn't know how to switch the remote, and I couldn't watch it at all, so I cancelled it (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  You were able to cancel it (laughs). 
 
Sena:  Because it just takes one phone call (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  I'm also really bad with machines, so I always make sure I keep the instruction manual.  
 
Sena:  Me too. 
 
Haruno:  And I have a shelf of just instruction manuals, and whenever I don't know how to use a machine, I pull out the manual and do it step-by-step.  So never throw out instruction manuals; put them someplace where you'll know where they are, and take that with you wherever you go! 
 
Sena:  Take it with you?! (laughs). 

Haruno:  Yeah.  Forget the machines, just take the instruction manuals with you . . . they're heavy, but too bad (laughs).  Problem solved! 
 
Sena:  Oh--it's been solved (laughs).  So, Calvin Klein-san, please take your instruction manuals with you all the time, wherever you go (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  (laughs).  Well then, next person.  This person says they're being transferred to Florida this summer.  Their pen name is "Being Transferred to Florida This Summerrr" (laughs).  But their problem is shocking (laughs). 
 
Sena:  Shocking? 
 
Haruno:  "My two-year-old daughter, whenever she sees the scene in 'Ai no Sonata' where Makoto Tsubasa-san dresses like a woman, cries happily, 'Shingo Mama!'"*  That's rude, isn't it (laughs). 
 
Sena:  Yes, it's rude (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  "No matter how much I explain, she says it's Shingo Mama every time, but is that rude to Makoto-san?" 
 
Sena:  Extremely rude!  Even if you say it's a child, I think there are things that are OK to say, and things that aren't OK to say! 
 
Haruno:  (bursts out laughing).  But she's two!  She's young and inexperienced and doesn't know her left from her right! 
 
Sena:  But no.  It's not okay! 
 
Haruno:  Have you seen "Ai"? 
 
Sena:  I saw it on TV. 
 
Haruno:  Did she look like Shingo Mama? 
 
Sena:  She was wearing an apron. 
 
Haruno:  Aah. 
 
Sena:  But it's still not OK!  It's really not OK! (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  "Ai" is a costume-oriented show.  But the atmosphere is completely different, isn't it. 
 
Sena:  Yeah.  To go so far as to mistake her with Mami-san, that means Shingo-chan is . . . Shingo-chan is . . . (she takes the trouble to change nicknames). 

Haruno:  Ah, that's right, you were buddies, weren't you (laughs). 
 
Sena:  Right, right.  We were buddies (laughs).  That just shows how pretty Shingo is.  Oh, I'll tell him.  I'll say, "Aren't you happy, Shingo?" (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  Say hi to Shingo for me next time you see him. 
 
Sena:  Oh, okay.  I will, I will. 
 
Haruno:  Let me meet him too. 
 
Sena:  Uh . . . ok (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  You're buddies, right? (laughs).  Well, anyway, it seems like their costumes were similar or something. 
 
Sena:  But, it's best to teach her that even for two-year-olds, there are things that are OK to say and things that aren't OK.  Wow, I sound big (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  (laughs).  Alright, once you turn three, you definitely can't say it anymore! 
 
Sena:  Make sure you don't let her say it (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  Don't give up, Mom.  I'm sure once you move to Florida she'll forget all about it. 
 
Sena:  Right . . . (quietly) but it's still rude. 
 
Haruno:  I knew you would say that at the end (laughs). 
 
Sena:  Of course (laughs).  Well then, lastly is our top star, Aika Mire-san's problem. 
 
Haruno:  I'm kind of scared (laughs). 
 
Sena:  Here I go (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  OK.  Are you ready? (laughs). 
 
Sena:  "You think I can ask you two for advice?  I don't have any problems!  Wait, I have one. My problem is that I made you two like this. Aah, I'm so worried!" she says (laughs).  
 
Haruno:  (bursts out laughing). 
 
Sena:  There's more.  "When are you building me my house?  Are you going to treat me to Chinese?  Build my house!  Chineeese Peking duuuck shark fiiin" (laughs).  I'll leave building the house to Haruno-san, and I'll invite her for really cheap Chinese.  Either that, or I'll have Aika-san pay for us to go to China and have the real thing!  I'm free anytime. 

Haruno:  Good idea (laughs).  Tamo-san (Aika), building a house is no problem!  (rather boldly) Let's do it today! 
 
Sena:  (laughs).  No matter what you say, we turned out this way by following Aika-san's example. 
 
Haruno:  And these are the finished products.  How are we? (laughs). 
 
Sena:  So we're, like, Aika-san's creations? 
 
Haruno:  Creations! (laughs).  But you know, in the recent GRAPH "Flower Troupe Otokoyaku Special" she said very touching things about us, didn't she. 
 
Sena:  Things that made us say, "Thank you very much, Tamo-san," right? 
 
Haruno:  I think those were probably her real feelings . . .. 
 
Sena:  Then these here aren't her real feelings? 
 
Haruno:  These are her real feelings, aren't they (laughs).  Aaah . . .. 
 
Sena:  (big sigh). 
 
Haruno:  Recently we were talking about the Sayonara Show and got on the topic of what kind of songs Tamo-san has sung up until now, and all kinds of songs came up.  Like time will tell ** from "How to Succeed" (laughs), or hai, du du, poko poko from when she takes Roba-chan with her in "Veronique" (laughs).  Asako and I said we would do the backup for those songs at the Sayonara Show with everything we've got.  We'll really do anything if it's for Tamo-san! 
 
Sena:  We'll go and do anything if it's for Tamo-san (laughs).  It was fun when we got to be in her dinner show too, wasn't it.  
 
Haruno:  It was so much fun! (laughs).  We did nothing but stupid things, didn't we. 
 
Sena:  But I think we really embarrassed her.  Because she asked, "Asako, what do you want for your birthday?" so I said, "Peking duck!" right?  Then, she really took all the dinner show members out to a Chinese restaurant!  So everyone got lucky. 
 
Haruno:  We all got a share (laughs). 
 
Sena:  Yeah.  But everyone kept dropping chopsticks and spoons, and trying to drink the water in the finger bowls, (meekly) and I think we really embarrassed her (laughs). 
 
Haruno:  And even though we specially got Peking duck there was someone who was like, "I can't eat it!" (laughs). 
 
Both:  You've got to be kidding! (laugh). 

Haruno:  We really embarrassed her didn't we (laughs).  But we'll try harder from now on, so . . . wait, what are we trying to do? (laughs). 
 
Sena:  No, we turned out this way by following Aika Mire-san's example. 
 
Both:  Please stick by us until the end! 
 
Haruno:  OK, problem solved! 
 
Sena:  Or rather, Aika Mire-san is reaping what she sowed (laughs).  She doesn't have any problems or anything, does she. 
 
Haruno:  I think she doesn't even think of half of them as problems (laughs). 
 
Sena:  "My problem is that I made you two like this" is an expression of love for us. 
 
Haruno:  Right, right (laughs). 
 
Sena:  We know! (laughs). 
 
Both:  Thank you, Tamo-san! 

 
 
* Shingo Mama:  Shingo Katori, a member of the famous Japanese boy-band SMAP, used to appear on Japanese TV cross-dressing as "Shingo Mama."  You can get some idea of what Shingo Mama was like by searching for "Shingo Mama no Oha Rock" on YouTube. 
 
** It's hard to translate this one line out of context.  If anyone has seen the play and knows what song this is from, it would be a big help.  The Japanese is "imani, miteru–."